Transformers: Robots in the Snow

So I had this dream. I was at a party with a bunch of people I didn't recognize. Their kitchen floor was only half-finished. It was partially covered with horribly ugly laminate flooring, showing their previous (also ugly) vinyl tiles throughout half of the room. How ridiculous, I thought. You can't even finish your renos before you throw a party? There was beer and cigarettes in all the food, and people kept offering it to me. I was like "no thanks." I eventually found some white cake in the fridge behind all the ruined food and I ate it. And it was awesome.

At one point I treated the events of the party like a TV series, feeling like I had missed the first season of whatever it was because I was missing little bits of information, like why this girl hated that guy and whatever. It was weird.

And then eventually everyone started to panic. There was a sense of impending doom spreading like wildfire. I was suddenly aware of the hatred that every other country in the world has for the United States, and we were attached to those states. So we had reason to be worried. I stepped outside into the snowy morning to hear jet planes overhead, and see some warheads flying our way. I ran back inside, because I was fucking terrified, but of course it didn't make any difference.

While running upstairs to get a better look at our impending annihilation, I saw a giant Transformer had appeared, close enough to our house to block my view from all the windows. What a jerk. He started to pound our house, and oh my god we had to get out of here! As we scampered around the robot's feet he was gingerly trying to walk because every time he took a step he slid. Because his feet were made of metal. HAH! Sucker.

It was suddenly dark outside as I ran around hiding behind trees and running into strangers' houses, because they were coming for me! After one particularly intense battle between my machine gun and the robot's lasers, a hatchback filled with trendy Japanese teenage girls slid in front of me and opened the hatch to reveal some totally awesome laser-shooting device that would totally wreck that robot. "Get in!" they yelled, and we skidded off into the cold, dangerous night.

And then I woke up.

Muffins and Stuffing

I dreamed I was taking some muffins out of an oven. Except it wasn't an oven, it was the second-floor window on the side of a house. I was reaching up way higher than I should have been physically able to, and a muffin pan with 4 giant muffins in it were toppling down onto me in slow motion. I'm pretty sure they were cranberry muffins.

So now I had these muffins all around me on the ground, taller than I was, and I remember throwing them far, far away to a house that was across the street. In it was my best friend, and I was like "Hey, have some muffins!" I lobbed them through the air and they floated slowly over to her. In return she lobbed back a giant Hello Kitty-shaped pillow, which had a weird X shape sown into it with the hands and feet at each end. I remember bouncing on it and having so much fun. It was like a cottony bouncy castle; all the bounce with none of the weird plastic smell and possible bacterial contamination.

And then for some reason I was chewing on a teddy bear, trying to eat it. It was so good. I tore off his foot and chewed on it, watching as stuffing flew out in ribbons, floating away on the breeze. Again, all in slow motion.

And then my alarm went off and I very slowly woke up. Yay for being abruptly woken up during REM sleep!