Confession: I hate Charmin.

I have a confession to make. I absolutely HATE Charmin. Yes, the toilet paper brand. Why, you ask? Because they stick to the most ridiculous concept for their commercials: the "little white pieces left behind" problem.

Who has this issue? Who wipes their ass and then feels around for little pieces that have been left behind? What mother keeps tabs on the status of their children's bottoms in this way? "Did you just go to the bathroom, Jimmy? Alright, then drop trou and show me your bottom so I can check for little white pieces that may have been left behind. STOP SQUIRMING, THIS IS IMPORTANT!" What parent does this?! And then says, "Oh dear. Look at all these little white pieces of toilet paper that have been left behind on your ass by our second-rate toilet paper! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! WE NEED CHARMIN! HELP US, CHARMIN!"

I'll save you the wondering. I can tell you: no parent does this. Unless they are a mysterious unknown species of red bear, they do not wait outside the bathroom and watch their child as they leave in an attempt to spot any debris that may be left over from the process of wiping their butt.

So, Charmin: please change your advertising angle. I don't want to be thinking about pieces of toilet paper left behind on someone's ass while I'm eating my breakfast. You are "solving" a problem that doesn't exist. SO JUST STOP IT ALREADY.

Rant over.